I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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