I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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