my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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