i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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