Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
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It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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