Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize