Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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