Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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