she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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