Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize