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So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
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