u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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