I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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