Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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