Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize