I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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