fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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