Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize