Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
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studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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