Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize