Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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