You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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