A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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