I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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