Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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