There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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