Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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