Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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