I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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