Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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