well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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