Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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