So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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