Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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