Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
where are my eyebrows?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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