Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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