I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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