If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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