that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize