All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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