Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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