So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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