Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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