He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize