why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize