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don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His hands were made for my vagina.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
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