we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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