i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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