I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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