remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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